Caine’s Arcade and the Kingdom of God

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I’m a sucker for videos like this one.
As I saw this powerful story for the first time I wept like a baby. You will receive a powerful lesson from a young boy who is a faithful dreamer, a dad who sells used auto parts and a random film maker. Watch this short video and see how your church in its unique context can learn from Caine’s Arcade.

What insight have you gained about the church and young people?

I remember hearing Dr. Chap Clark say many years ago, “every kid dreams about having their name written in the sky.” Is it possible for the church to help young people have a “Caine Experience” in the current model of youth ministry? I don’t think so. I think Clark, Mark DeVries and Kara Powell are all on the same track as they talk about having 5 adults for every student, or stacking the stands with the entire body of Christ for teenagers. Kara Powell encourages the church to embrace the ministry of noticing as it pertains to youth. Isn’t this simply a story of noticing? One man noticed a powerful story and he dared to tell it to millions through film. I’m glad he did. We as the body of Christ can learn much.

What have you learned?

(Props to Collin Grant for teaching leading our youth staff with this film)

An Interesting “Sex Question” from a Teenager

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“Do you have to be good at sex?”

During a seminar on sex and dating, I received this anonymous question, among many others from a group of teenagers. While some of the standard questions are, “how far is too far?”, and “is oral sex really sex?”, I have noticed the question about being good at sex has become popular in the last few years.

My older brother has added a bit of insight to this question, but first I will tell you my normal response. I usually respond with this question, “how would you feel if the guy or girl you were dating introduced themselves as a sex professional? Do we really want to marry someone who continues to brag about their sexual accomplishments? Furthermore, I remind students that there can be some fun in “exploring” with your wife or husband in the bedroom, as you move from novice to sexpert. Yes, I just said sexpert. In short, I want them to know that they don’t have to be a pro and that marriages have potential to get better and better when it comes to sex and romance.

As we were discussing this at a conference this past weekend, my brother made an interesting observation. He had trouble with the question. He reminded us that the question in and of itself is one of performance. The church has tried to handle the crisis of performance that has crept into our worship services, but now it has crept into the bedroom? Our teenagers our continually swamped with the pressure to perform in school, on the field and in every relationship they have. Do we really want them feeling this pressure to perform as well? I have often said that pornography is the elephant in the room for the church. I would also submit that pornography has added to the complexities of performance in the bedroom. Lets say a teenage boy who is still a virgin has frequented pornography for several years (girls are not exempt from addiction to porn, by the way). As he watches these sexual performance he begins to form a view of what sex should be like and how his future wife should perform. You can imagine what happens when he and his future wife have sex for the first time. In many ways, she won’t measure up.

What is the role of sex in marriage? Is it a competition or a beautiful and fun experience that brings husbands and wives closer (literally)?

How can we as the church and as parents help change this perception?

Dear Youth Minister, Would You Please…

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Pastors, parents, youth ministers and teenagers all have thoughts on who a youth pastor should be and what they should do. If I compiled all the opinions, we would arrive at job description that is possible for Jesus, not a human.

Last week in a Sticky Faith webinar, Dr. Mark Labberton made a quick comment that has consumed my thinking for days. In a conversation about ways a senior pastor can support a youth minister, we flipped the paradigm and asked this seasoned pastor how we youth pastors can best support our leading pastor. First, he reminded us that we need to recognize the humanity of our pastor. They have hard decisions to make, they get tired, frustrated, excited and hopeful just like we do. When is the last time we asked them how they are doing? When is the last time we asked how we could support or pray for them? This conversation was a great reminder for me, but it wasn’t the one that has consumed my thinking.In response to what Mark really wanted out of his youth minister he said,

“I just expect 2 things. Be an adult and be a disciple.”

Being an Adult:
How profound and how simple! So what does it mean to be an adult in the youth ministry world? I believe more youth workers have been fired over the inability to be an adult more than they have been canned for their inability to be a follower of Christ. I can see the look on my former pastor’s face when he found out that I was driving a van full of students through rural North Carolina going over 90 mph. He didn’t say this but his face sure did, “is it too much to ask for you to be an adult”? This discussion covers topics about how we dress, or respond to angry parents, or how long it takes to return an email or turning in receipts or planning ahead or wearing seat belts or not attempting to stick a junior high kid to the wall with duct tape to see how long he clings to a freshly painted wall.
Get the point?

A few disclaimers; first we must recognize that many youth culture gurus would say that adolescence has extended as far as 30 years of age. So in the eyes of many, how can someone who isn’t an adult act like one? I believe the answer to this one is simple. Since God seems to understand that change is often part of a larger process, may we aim to be more adult-like today than we were yesterday.

Being a Disciple:
A disciple doesn’t depend on a 20 minute sermon each week to nourish his or her soul (this one took me years to believe). A disciple is a fierce learner who has the humility to stick close to those who are drenched with Godly wisdom. I have learned that a disciple doesn’t have all the answers and doesn’t need to. Yet, the disciple must learn how to seek for these answers and not just possess them. I confess that being a disciple sounds like a no-brainer at the beginning of a youth ministry career and it can potentially be the easiest to sacrifice as years pass. Too many times I have valued biblical information over spiritual transformation. It has become too easy over the years to treat youth ministry as a profession instead of a holy calling. The disciple fights these very real tendencies.

A Thought for the Road:
Mark’s two simple comments have proven to be more formative than I could have imagined. Taking these two requests a step further, we as ministers play a role in helping young people become adults and disciples. I enjoyed watching one of my Young Life friends ask a student what he needed to finish working on for his chemistry class. The Young Life leader valued the need for his teenage friend to grow in maturity and biblical wisdom. I’m interested, how does your youth ministry help students become adults as well as disciples?

Roaming Costs

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As our family was driving cross-country, my wife was messing with her phone. She asked, “does roaming cost?” My answer was “yes” and “yes.” I’m generally not a fan of over-spiritualization, but this one got me thinking. As a Christian, roaming costs and I happen to know first hand.
Even though my own story is similar to that of the Prodigal son in Luke 15, I fear that we in youth ministry can often sugar coat the “far country“. Believe me, I love to focus on the father who welcomes back his rebellious son, but I know that roaming does cost.

As a youth minister with a rocky past, I have to be careful how my students interpret my story. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “you did all that crazy stuff and now you are on the right track.” As they are making this statement, I can see the wheels turning. Unfortunately, students can see my story of redemption as permission to go out and roam. God absolutely met me as I roamed. He uses my story to minister to others, but again I say, roaming absolutely costs.

I became well aware of the cost of roaming as I first started getting serious with my to-be wife, Kim. While I firmly believe that God had forgiven me for my reckless lifestyle, that doesn’t mean that damage wasn’t done. I know for a fact that I hurt people. I know for a fact that the first time I told Kim about my previous life, it was painful for both of us. Kim loved me for who I was, but I could still see her wince as I confessed my past.

As I reflect on years of youth ministry, I can tell you names of young people who continue to roam and unfortunately, I’ve known students who have died while still roaming. I’m not a hellfire and brimstone type of guy, but my wife’s simple question about her cell phone has reminded me that there is a cost when we roam.

Is it possible to balance the danger of the “far country” in Luke 15 with the unexplainable love of the father as we teach this story to young people?

High Schoolers Who Give Me Hope

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One of the major youth ministry emphases over the last several years has been about the art of storytelling. I am a firm believer in the power of story, especially when they connect to God’s larger story (which they almost always do). My favorite stories of all are the ones about teenagers following Jesus in a variety of creative and even risky ways.

So, I want to tell a few stories of some of my very real, yet anonymous teenage friends who are making a difference in God’s Kingdom, one-act at a time.

1. These knuckleheads in the picture have started their own bible study during their Senior year. They are asking hard questions and not depending on an adult to spoon feed them.
2. Today, several of our high school girls flooded one of our grieving leaders with texts of encouragement. This will change the course of their relationship.
3. Over the weekend, a group of teenagers organized a benefit concert with 3 bands to raise awareness and funds for Invisible Children. They were leading adults!
4. Friday night I saw a junior in high school intentionally reach out to 2 freshman boys. He picks them up, hangs out with them and invests in their lives over and over again. I repeat, no adult around.
5. I know an 18-year-old girl who started a clothing boutique for girls who can’t afford dresses or nice clothes. She has rallied a large tribe of other high school girls to donate clothes and work the boutique.
6. Over this past year, I have seen many of my teenage friends serve with Capernaum, which is Young Life for those with disabilities. While it was awkward at first, these students have done a great job of loving their peers in a powerful way.

More to come. Can you share some with me?

Boogers and Baptism

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The young boy was obviously overwhelmed at his baptism. I saw him looking at the tiny congregation as each of them was staring right back at him. So he did what most young boys do when they are nervous, he started picking his nose. Not to get too nasty, but this boy might have touched his frontal lobe because he was digging so deep. Mom and Dad were so focused on answering the questions from the preacher that they didn’t notice junior was digging away. So the pastor of this small church in California leads the little boy toward the baptismal fount and proceeds to give him the one-handed tsunami. So the boy is drenched in water, all his peers and family are clapping for him and what does he do? He goes back to picking his nose.

But wait a second, I thought in the waters of baptism the “old has gone and the new has come?” Wasn’t this boy made new? He didn’t seem to have new behavior after he was cleansed did he? Maybe he should have been re-baptized. Or maybe it is the idea that has been attributed to Martin Luther saying, “in the waters of baptism the old Adam is drowned, but the bastard can still swim.” The old booger-picking self couldn’t stay away.

As I walked out of church that day, I couldn’t quit thinking about this beautiful scene as it forced me to evaluate my belief about baptism. What a great reminder that our baptism marks the beginning of a process. A process that God promises he will walk us through. So will this boy continue to be a booger picker after his baptism? Yes. Will he hopefully participate in this grotesque habit less and less as he matures? Hopefully. But in God’s eclectic family, this boy joined a family of booger pickers who aim to pick less by glorifying Him more.

Think specifically about the younger saints in your church. Since they don’t hide their faults as well as we adults do, are they still embraced? Do you and does your church know that ministry is messy?

Youth Ministry: Stifled by the Numbers Game

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Have we gone too far in saying,
“It is not about the numbers?”

I have been stifled by the “numbers game” in two ways. In the beginning, my ego and my emotions were tied to how many students came to this or didn’t come to that. I liked it when other youth ministers would talk about growth and numbers because I was excited to let everyone know how dynamic my leadership style was. Then I grew up. On the other hand, when numbers aren’t so exciting, I found myself sheepishly saying, “well Jesus started with 12 and ended up with 11” or “wherever two or more are gathered…puke!” On either extreme we run the risk of butchering scripture to defend our leadership inadequacies.

I am seeking to learn from both extremes as I pray about the next phase of the ministry I serve. During this process, I have arrived at the conclusion that numbers are ONE sign of growth and our frequent reflection on those numbers can foster thoughtful ministry.

Why Numbers Matter: I think we can go down a slippery theological slope if we try to argue that Jesus was all about numbers, but we would be negligent to say the Gospel mentions nothing about numerical growth either. Why do we hear about the 12, 72, 4,000, 5,000 or the numbers God adds each day to the church at the end of Acts 2? These specific numbers point to the glory of God, not to some savvy leader. Numbers can often show impact or movement of the Spirit, but not always. While I am pushing for the value of numbers to an extent, lets not forget that large numbers of people have followed wicked leaders down wicked paths in our Christian history.

When to Push for Numbers: There are two main reasons that cause me to really talk about numerical growth in youth ministry. The first and most important reason is the belief that our ministry is offering Christ-centered, life changing, relevant ministry to our students. Second, I will push for numbers when I know that we have the structure to handle the growth. Are there well-trained, loving and willing leaders ready to receive new faces? It doesn’t hurt to make sure that our budget and ministry space is prepared for growth as well.

My friend Mark once told me, “Shepherds have to know how many sheep they have.”   Knowing Mark, he wasn’t talking about numbers in terms of bragging rights. He was speaking to the pastoral care part of tracking numbers. When students wander off, who recognizes that they have left? If a small group started at 14 and now has 2, what happened? It could simply be a scheduling mistake or worse, it could be small group leaders who are not leading very well. Either way, there is a pastoral aspect to numbers and I am learning that now more than ever.

Where are you on the numbers spectrum?

How Would You Design Worship at Your Church?

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You have opinions about the worship service at your church.
I know you do.
I have plenty and there are more to come.
In worshiping with big and little churches, “cool” and “uncool” churches,  I have gained nuggets of faithful worship. Teenagers, charismatics, liturgy loving theologians, a spunky Orthodox priest and several artists have all had my ear in my quest to understand faithful worship. Here is the rub, these faithful voices mentioned above, have strong opinions about the way worship HAS to be. No wonder so many of our churches have been plagued with worship wars, right?

Wait! Before You Share Your Opinion…
It has been helpful for me to understand 3 categories that describe elements of worship. In his book Reinventing Evangelism, Don Posterski suggests that there are three types of things that most congregations carry with them. He classifies them as treasures, baggage and garbage. The treasures are those things which define us as a church, which we must not surrender or compromise under any circumstance. The baggage consists of things that may be helpful, but, when it comes down to it, are not absolutely essential to the life of the church. The garbage is made of things that drag us down, that cause us to be unhealthy, that warp and undermine our mission. Here are some examples Posterski offers, what would you add?

Trash- personal kingdom-building, legalism, relativism, permissiveness, begging for money, dishonest prayer letters, self- righteousness, overemphasis of a single doctrine, exclusivism and religious jargon

Baggage- raising one’s hands or crossing oneself in worship, kneeling benches, prayer letters, organ music, hymns, choruses, prayer books,

Treasure- worshipful liturgy, evangelistic fervor, biblical preaching, integration of theory and practice, a high view of truth, intellectual scholarship, emotional experiences, a clear sense of mission, concern for the poor, a commitment to global mission, excellence in music, ecumenical concern, the practice of prayer and holiness in lifestyle.

  (Without Treasures, we have reduced our gatherings to simply that, gatherings.)

Wait! Before You Share Your Opinion, Let Me Share Mine!
Here are a few elements of worship that I have been refining. Some of these could actually fall into the “baggage” category. I’ll let you decide.

*The Eucharist- I argue for a more frequent celebration of the Lord’s Supper. More importantly, I see the benefit for the worshiping community to participate in a full meal that is symbolic and meets a basic need for all who are hungry. Is this difficult for big churches? Yes. Does this form of celebrating the eucharist create space for the rich and poor to celebrate the Lord’s Supper together? Yes.

*Isaiah 6-Read this worship scene several times. Isn’t it a great pattern for worship? Praise leads to confession which leads to forgiveness which lead to a mission. This is my basis for the worship service.

*Open Ended Sermons- For too many years I have felt compelled to wrap all my talks up in a pretty little bow. I now realize that his style often slams the door on the face of the congregation. If we refuse to make it look neat, we then can invite the hearers to join us in wrestling with the text for days to come.

*Community Prayer Requests- Big churches can’t do this in worship and I miss it. There is something profound about allowing the voices of the church to stand up and praise God or to ask fellow followers to join in prayer for a pressing need or circumstance.

*Blessing of the Children- As the church celebrates the Eucharist, I find that blessing the children is a powerful and inclusive experience. As my wife and I went forward to receive communion this past Sunday, the pastor got on his knees and blessed my 4-year-old with the sign of the cross on her head and a spoken blessing.

*Take and Leave- I visited a new Presbyterian church that had a “take and leave” emphasis. There were small pieces of paper that worshipers could ask for something they needed or list some items they could bless others with. This very Acts 2:42′ish.

*Silence Before the Sermon- Have you ever been given a breather after the text for the day is read? It is lovely. By allowing the church to sit with the text before preaching, it is yet another invitation into the message as participants and not just recipients.

What would you add?

“Prideful Guilt” A Lenten Lesson from Henri Nouwen

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“There is an awareness of sin that does not lead to God but to self-preoccupation.
Our temptation is to be so impressed by our sins and failings and so overwhelmed by our lack of generosity that we get stuck in a paralyzing guilt.  It is the guilt that leads to introspection instead of directing our eyes to God.  It is the guilt that has become an idol and therefore a form of pride.
Lent is the time to break down this idol and to direct our attention to our loving Lord.”
- Henri Nouwen

Guilt is weighty isn’t it? It is the primary hammer that many of us in the evangelical church use to hit our own heads with over and over again. If guilt isn’t painful enough, Nouwen calls it idolatrous, prideful and downright sinful. Ouch. He has a good point though, doesn’t he? Haven’t you “wallered” in your guilt as a pig does mud in hopes that those you have harmed will truly understand how remorseful you are?

In terms of sharing our faith story with other people, Nouwen reminds me of the danger of dwelling too much on the far country of rebellion. Something in me wants you to know just how bad I really was and am. Why? (I’m still a work in progress). While rebellion is a key component to the story of the prodigal son, it must never trump the persistent love of the father who waits with robe and ring in hand.

May our awareness of sin push us to Jesus and nowhere else.

I Met A Leper.

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I met a leper.

Really, I did. He said so.

I was talking to a friend who was asking me about the sermon I was about to preach. I told her I was preaching on Mark 1, a moving story of a leper who came to Jesus to be healed. As soon as I said the word leper, a voice from behind me said, “hey, I’m a leper.” I turned around to see five well dressed men sitting on a couch behind me. The spokesmen for the group said “I’m a leper and all these guys are as well”, pointing to his friends on the couches. “We are actually schizophrenics”, the man proclaimed boldly. “The bible refers to us as demon possessed and people today think we are whackos.” After the man made this statement, my heart began to hurt for him. I began to grasp what he was trying to tell me. He was begging me to understand that the leper in Mark 1 was viewed as a social corpse and he as a schizophrenic could identify. This man and his friends knew what it was like to be physically and socially outcast and misunderstood.

One thing I didn’t know is that I was talking to some famous, modern-day lepers. All of them had PhD’s and one of them was John Nash, the Nobel Peace Prize winning mathematician who was portrayed by Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind. These men and many others stayed where we live for a week as they were leading a symposium on schizophrenia and the flourishing life at my seminary.

So what did I do after this stirring encounter? First I went back to my room and cried for 30 minutes. I cried because these men represent multitudes of others who are viewed as “whats” and not as “whos.” The leper in Mark 1 was a “what”,  because we know nothing about him except “what” disease inflicted him. We know nothing about where he was from, what he was like or what brought him joy. We just know he had a disease. The men I talked to throughout last week made sure I knew they were so much more than “whats”; they were “whos.” You might be reading this and saying, “of course they are “whos!” My response would be, “then why are so many modern lepers still on the outside of the village, begging to come into our churches, homes and social circles?”

I think I took a step in conquering a fear I didn’t know I had. In my closing conversations I wanted to let these men know that they have helped shape they way I see life. One man asked me if he could quote me on that and I said, “yes.” He then said, “Can I quote you an every conversation we’ve had this week?” Remembering that I was talking to a bona fide genius, I said, “sure.”